2017 was an eventful year. It was a year where I broke barriers, stepped up a little bit more, and spoke my mind a bit real and I realised that it was okay to do it.
2017 was the year I started looking at life using the communication lens. IT was the year of communication, whereby it made me realise what a powerful tool it is. It could break, unmake, shape, and reshape beings, values, cultures, and worldview. It deconstructed me big time. It made me question of how I will perceive the world from now on. That is how powerful it is that it made me drawn to start reading a bit more about it, alongside other literatures. 2017 was the year I realised I was lost, and what a beautiful mess my mind was.
2017 was the year I broke barriers; I broke myself. I allowed myself to be broken to be reconstructed. I crossed some lines, which, in the past I thought I would die, but I am still alive.
And I realised I needed to cross those lines to know who I am. To know what I am made of. To know how far I can go. And I realised there are so many society ideals I do not want to believe anymore.
2017 was the year I said I would put the past behind, but a few minutes before 2018, as the year came into vignettes of montage, I realised I just can’t leave it all behind because the past, the present, and future are intricately woven altogether into a unique pattern I call “my life.” My life has a unique identifier. There could be no double kind of life that will exist in this lifetime. I am who I am and uniquely I am. I also realised that what I have it tough love for myself. I love myself a bit more, but there’s the tough love.
So in 2018, I carry with me these new principles that I guess are grounded too much in reality that could cross the line of being cynic. I know it’s bad but I am unapologetic.
- I will not need the people who do not need me in their lives. Life is too short to impose that they are important to me that is why I am reaching out. I am so much done with it. I think I have proven myself through these years how they matter to me, and how I value the importance of nurturing relationships, by giving what I perceive as an ample attention. My MS thesis is about drawing meanings from patterns of interactions and that if, according to Saussure’s arbitrariness of signifier and signified, then this is how I would attach meaning to certain pronounced interactions, heightened by lack of communication so that certain actions will not be prone to misinterpretations.
- Communication is the key to my heart. I realised that I love communicating, and I am most vulnerable when I am too much open or too much closed. So it matters to me if communication is closed, I will perceive it that the person does not want to engage in a meaningful relationship with me. Social exclusion means friendship over.
- I will debunk the notion of misunderstanding. I was only having limited understanding in the fringes. There may be misinterpretation, but distortion will be restored by open communication.
I will continue to do things with fervour and passion. I have this notion that I am not one of the most brilliant communication practitioner out there, but my passion and dedication as a practitioner will enhance my mediocre confidence.
I will be responsible of what I will become but I will not be apologetic because I was reshaped by what was perceived as social norms, defined normal through the abnormal. I have quirks and I am done with hiding those only because it was perceived to be uncommon and unacceptable. I will speak my mind, but remain respectful.
- Lastly, I remain faithful. I remain hopeful, despite and inspite of it all. I only have God to lean and depend on and I still believe in His perfect timing and trials that I needed to overcome (or choose not to). I still pray for strength, I still seek His wisdom, and bask in his loving embrace when I just got to roll the punches while the going gets tough.
It’s time to be real and raw. Let’s roll the punches.