the art of friend zone

It’s official.

I’m addicted to Sarah Kay, one of the fastest rising spoken word poets. And who has heard of  “spoken word poetry?” I didn’t know another piece of literature existed until a friend shared me a link to this girl’s youtube performance at SF Cafe. It was one of her, and her best friend Phil Kaye’s  (not in any way related to her) first performance, I assume.

They were standing at the stage in black sweaters, sleeves falling on the same place. Sarah delivered her first lines and I was hooked. They perfomed The Origin–it’s their poem for each  other. But as I listened to it, it was more than that. The first few lines hit me. “We decided not to go out,” they declared, and I  wondered why. Geez, I’d like to have my guy best friend for a husband, I thought, how come these two won’t want that? And as I listened on, I understood. I very well understood. Their poem below says why, and everything suddenly made sense to me. Yeah, there were days when I so long wanted to have my best friend as my lifetime partner, but, in case that doesn’t end that way, I could very well understand why. Now the song friend of mine doesn’t affect me anymore. That line when the song “now I know friends are all we ever could be…”  yeah, it could be lonely, but, as long as you know you can love the person and be his friend forever, that’s a feat. Friendship is also a relationship blessed by God so you can run to each other, less intimacy. You can love a friend as infinitely as you can love anyone else in the world. Through high hell and waters, you can always be there for each other. Your love for each other will be your commitment. You can always share your home to this person as well. You can fight him without feeling guilty, knowing that at the end of the day, you will still be accepted for who you are.

Who says, “friends are all we EVER COULD BE?” Friend is what I will always and can be, through thick and thin. In sickness and in health. I love you, but there’s no need to always validate it. I always will. A friend always does.

The Origin (Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye)

what are the odds of finding someone who can finish your sentences? who will let you cut in line. who knows not to just lend a hand or an ear when you need them to give you their spine. who keeps every secret, saves every letter, tells you how you really look. remembers every single one of your birthdays, without checking facebook. what are the chances of finding someone who knows your poetry by heart? who won’t freak out if you’re hanging out and accidentally fart.

I will always save you a seat. I will always pick you to be my partner even though you are terrible at handball.  when you lose everything in the fire, my home will be your home. when you get old and can no longer remember my face, I will meet you for the first time again and again. when they make fun of your accent, I will take you swimming because we all sound the same underwater. when Ellis Island tries to erase your past, I will call you by your real name. when they call your number for the draft, I will enlist to fight beside you. I will march with you from Selma to Montgomery and back as many times as it takes. we will stand together against the hoses and the dogs because it didn’t start with us.

it started with Lennon and McCartney. it started with Thelma and Louise. Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin. Bert and Ernie. Abbott and Castello. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Mario and Luigi. Watson and Sherlock.

& they could tell you what a miracle this is. they could tell you how rare this is. but they could tell you how rare it always is. the chances are slim. the cards are always stacked against you. the odds, always low.

but i have seen the best of you and the worst of you and i choose both. i want to share ever single one of your sunshines and save some for later. i will tuck them into my pockets so i can give them back to you when the rains fall hard. friend, i want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. i want to be the air in your lungs to remind you to breathe easy. when the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand and i promise i wont let go

08.08.2009

You are this person whom I’d like to fondly call my one-night prince.

You always rescue my dreary heart by showering me with your kindness. My longing heart was filled with love when you held my hand one chilly afternoon. And then again one sunny afternoon.

And again and again, whenever I feel longing for someone to love me. Your hand was just right there, finding mine filled with longing. You even danced with my heart one lonely night. Suddenly, you became my heart’s refuge.

You always make me feel special, a friend, and gives me this assumption that I can be somebody beyond being what we are now.

Each day with you is always worth looking forward and back. There was never a time you made me at least, live in the illusion that I can be loved by somebody.

Your furtive glances spells a lifetime that I’d like to spend gazing at them. Your gentle smile makes me whisper a silly wishful thinking that I was the one who caused it.

You hold my hand completely obliterating things that spell loneliness and fear. Your fingers were just enough to fill the spaces between mine, securing my heart in it amidst the uncertainty.

Yes, you gave me the illusion of being loved.

I know this is just a dream that lasts at the strike of midnight. For the next day, you will choose a life without me again.

But you got me wanting this feeling, though laden with uncertainty. You made me want to spend a lifetime of uncertainty as long as your fingers are locked into mine.

You made Cinderella feel that she can love somebody and be loved.

Am I naïve? Maybe. And with that, comes realization that I should be stronger, holding on to my logics, so as to defy my stubborn heart.

That our dance is over.

Or, there was no fairy tale at all.

My dear one night prince, who was so chivalrous to take my hand and dance with me; my prince who made me feel that a girl like me can dream and make it true—my heart’s refuge, albeit furtively; our time has ran out.

..and I have to wake up from this illusion.

For you have long awakened and chose to live your life without me.