I was skimming through my past journal. That Unscholarly Notes blog from way back when. It chronicled my journey from a budding program assistant/development practitioner. My posts were cynical, but a bit more independent. Less dramatic than my posts here. I wonder what happened. Tee hee.
Anyway, I just want to share this poem a friend gave me years ago. In my entry that contained this poem, I recalled it was given to me after I lent him the book “By the River Piedra I sat down and wept” by Paulo Coelho. Maybe , he saw that my eyes scream of “unrequited love” chuva. I posted the poem on November 23, 2007, two days after his birthday.
It must have been the story that she hopelessly shared with the cold wind of midnight, the sole witness of her heartache;
It must have been the romantic, but quite painful story that gave her a bitter taste of love;
It must have been the tears that persistently came out from the eyes of a babe that seemed to hold the consuming fire of emotion for so long, and was no longer able to control the dam of tears from breaking out of the human walls;
It must have been the infatuation or juvenile affection that had floored her wit and composure in the world of make believe;
It must have been the innocence of youth that had fooled her fragile heart — leaving her groping like a blind, searching for her path going back to where her journey had begun.
I usually cringe at the sight of my old poems, but maybe, if I happen to write this one, I won’t. There’s no sugarcoating on it. Just plain truth. Just as our friendship is. No pretensions, just plain truth. Of the handful of friends I had, I really appreciate the fact that there is one out there that bravely crosses the line and never gives up on showing me the truth and still bearing with me no matter how bratty I get. I wish I could be like this to all of my friends. I wish I could be remembered like a friend who can say the truth but never affords to hurt the person for being plainly true. I wish I can manage to say the truth, yet stay behind despite the odds. It takes a lot wisdom and principle to be able to do this. And this type of person will always earn my respect no matter what…despite the odds.
But well, for unrequited love, I think, each one of us has a story to tell. At some point there is hurt, but most importantly, there is love…and learning. What is most important is that we know the value of it and we become a better and stronger person out of it.
“He is kind, so truly kind, but…he is always looking far beyond me…Far beyond me towards something in the distance…
I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to give what his heart truly desires. But despite that, for tomorrow, the day after, and even beyond that, I know I’d still be helplessly in love with him.
While thinking solely of him, I cried myself to sleep.”
Cosmonaut, Episode 2
5 cm per second
You’re still here in me.
..and I can’t (I just can’t) set you free.