Whenever I feel this kind of wall closing in, Sarah Kay’s “Point B” comes to mind, where she breaks out into a song “There’ll be days like this, my mama said.”
It’s hell week at that the University. Everyone’s cramming for their final paper, defense, and what-nots. Then, at work, we’re into the homestretch, too. Three review planning meetings, writeshops, due articles, are like, raining like a pet store (pun intended).
And we all know this. For the past few months, we tried to hold on. We tried to be at our best, thought of all the most optimistic thought, the juiciest reward you’d give yourself, once this is over.
But there are also moments, that, into the homestretch, there’s the “almost-throwing-in-the-towel” ceremony.
Yes, that moment you know you’ve stretched yourself too far, and you need to stretch a little further, and it’s starting to tear you apart. Everything’s falling apart. You’ve got the strength, but you’re losing the willpower. It’s like the torturing last half of a marathon.
I am still in the hustle of trying to stay afloat, and while there, I am reminded by this verse that my bible study leader mentioned to me.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
I am glad that despite the challenging situation, I can still hear God’s voice guiding me, providing me wisdom. I can see how he slowly reveals himself to me, whispering little reminders like “Learn to listen. Listen to learn,” “Be strong in the grace.” It is true that little prayers help, and through this, we find miracles everyday, and with this, we should be grateful. Sometimes, it is difficult to comprehend, but God has a plan for us, and “All things work for good” (Romans 8:28). There is a reason for everything. I am being taught a valuable lesson, that’s why this is the trial I am facing now. I have to learn to rise through this, through God’s grace, and seek God’s loving embrace in our moments of weakness. Only in that situation, we should be our strongest.
But since, there are rainy days like this, let me soak myself into tears just a little while and seek refuge in God’s embrace. I need to regain strength to face the challenges of tomorrow, which may not get better, but me becoming stronger.
“Lord, tonight, I surrender my cares and worries into Your hands. I know You handpicked me for a purpose. I may feel down today, but please grant me the grace to remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You. Please enlighten my soul and erase these insecurities I feel, and that I may concentrate on utilizing my spiritual gifts to please You and serve my brothers. Amen.“