This is probably the biggest puzzle of the century. When a male and female or simply two people of parallel psychological and physiological anatomy meet, converge, and find commonalities and then spend more time than regular Friday-night groupie does, they will get some people thinking “are they more than friends?” Below are some social construct that creates a demarcation line to get “others” thinking that they are “just friends”:
- If spending time with him/her become a “regular” routine to the others, you are more than friends.
- If you get to spend half of the Christmas day with him/her after your family reunion, you are more than friends;
- (For Females) If he starts spending weekends at your house and almost kissing your entire clan’s feet just to please them
- (For Females again) If he braves the 3 hour traffic twice a week just to drive you home (then he takes the bus to get back to his hometown 93.41 kms away lang naman by road.
- There’s the incessant exchange of messages in every means (phone, text, IMs), they say.
- You meet each other regularly (just the two of you, they emphasize) than anybody else and talk until the store/restaurant closes.
- Quoting 500 days of summer, the 6 word thing “I haven’t told this to anyone before” (my version is seven, I know, I forgot the exact line)
- You tend to pick up a very special gift for her first during Christmas, and then do the last minute shopping for your relatives (and even complain about being short in your available funds)
Of course, these are just social constructs. Who we are to say if people can be really just friends or there is something else? The answers, we don’t need to know the answers for now. Unless anyone involved in this situation who is actually doing “special” things (quoting 500 Days of Summer again, “Friends don’t do that, friends don’t f**k in the shower!”) appeared to have intentions of something more than friends, then that will come one fine day. If that person happens to be a guy, you just wait for a provocative situation that will conspire the universe to finally let the two of you unravel your true feelings (considering it is two way, you may hit the google “I’m Feeling Lucky” button a zillion times). If you happen to be a girl, you have two choices: wait for that guy to confess first before hitting the “I’m feeling lucky” button; or if it’s one sided all along, to quote from the movie My Big Love: “Ang nararamdaman mo, iburo mo na lang; atin-atin na lang ito.”
But while the situation does not call for it, be compelled to the current situation that you are in and be grateful enough you’ve got a friend that is always there. It just happens to be special because it is not the ordinary girl-girl or guy-guy friendship. It is special because two people of the opposite chromosome make up find mutual understanding and create similar templates of experiences together. There is nothing else to that, for now. But don’t TOTALLY close the door; bask under God’s love that He gave you someone you can rely on; but do not look beyond what is there in front of you. Live for the moment, don’t put any other feelings; just give your best to give out purest, and truest friendship that you can offer. And for the others, just don’t give a damn. I’ve learned through that years that most of the time it’s not good to put malice into any extraordinary situation. Friends from the opposite sex can be and remain as friends, as long that they perfectly understand their role in each other’s lives. What separates romantic to platonic love is the sexual intimacy/desire and physical attraction. If you can hold off your senses to feel everything but the last two mentioned, you should feel safe; and I think a great feat. Not in a million years you meet someone who can be of two things: be a marital partner or a lifetime buddy. If not, then, quoting from a wedding ceremony “speak now or forever hold your peace.” But will be another story.
Post script: I just got a text from someone under situation 3 and 4, telling me that they are now officially a couple. Just a few minutes ago. So, social constructs 3 and 4 are not really for friends only thing. That’s pretending to be “friends only” thing.