“Being in love is a good thing…but it’s not the best thing.”
I always have the penchant into poignant love proverbs. Maybe it’s my cynical quality that draws me into the bitterness of these statements; that no matter how love seemed to be so good in the beginning, as what my former classmates, Father Sisoy explicated, “It’s tragic.”
And so when Father Sisoy saw this, he was up with the challenge “What is the next best thing, then, Rei?”
Suddenly, I felt the need to grope for ultimate wisdom. What the heck. What is, indeed, the next best thing?
In the first place, how was I to know that love is such a good thing?
Recently, I had this strange longing of being with someone special. I wanted to see myself finally settling down, and then having kids of my own. Yes, they will be that cute little ones who will always take my blue away.
But then, reality easily sets in. A colleague who’s trapped in the web of extramarital affair, a friend who has relationship problems, along with other, a friend who treats you like an living diary about her love life, that you know every detail of their fights, petty to big ones.
Now I was asked the next best thing about being in love, I don’t even know what love is, to begin with. All I know is that, love is a humane feeling. It traps us, blinds us, and stays with us like a chronic disease. It doesn’t have a lifespan, and the more complicated it is, the more difficult it can be cured. In my own case, it makes my day, but also ruins it with the same intensity. I’ve had my share of being in love in the most fleeting moment and man, it sucks. It indeed, was the good thing, once you find yourself out of this hellish thing, but resentful when you’re trapped again.
I wonder then, what is the better thing after you have gone wasted and back and all those almost resentful tasks? Father says it’s the being of love. For love is not a fleeting moment or a feeling, it is a state of being, it is us. It says who we are.
I wish I could grow and be mature enough to face these difficulties that I encounter, so I can be capable of loving someone. I wish I could love someone, not just with the idea of love. Not with the butterflies; or the pleasing discomfort one may bring to my heart when he would acknowledge my furtive glance. But with someone, whom I would dare to give my best shot, be the most unselfish being I could be, while being me.
Or simply, love someone without fear.
Probably the most painful, but liberating feeling. I wish someday I could do this.