As a volunteer marshall to the US Secretary’s visit to IRRI on Sunday, I was given a briefing this afteroon what to expect, and what we’re supposed to do during the stay. As said, there will be over 100 international media who will be following the US Agriculture Secretar Tom Vilsack with other diplomats and dignitaries.
As I browsed through my briefer, I saw a familiar name: my former boss. My heart began skipping; excited as I am, I marked his presentation time with a yellow marker. I wanted to be in the board room for his performance. Suddenly, all my program assistant memories rushed into my veins and from that moment on, I wanted to be part of his team again. Where I felt I was so empowered to be in my best; with the best manpower that I have. I wanted to make sure my former boss will get the best treatment. Ah, this longing of wanting to be one of his “angels” again. I still have this stupid guilt feeling of leaving a couple of unfinished business because I wanted a breather; and feel needed. More of this longing feeling came surging in when I texted him about his presentation and he replied “Actually, it will be you and Chanot who will be presenting. I will just answer questions.”
I don’t know what I felt but I was moved. That was the video Chanot and I worked hard for before I finished my stint at UPLB. I was one of the voice talents there, and that time I was actually apprehensive, if our humble work (mostly Chanot’s) would merit for a public viewing; and it will be. In front of international delegates, in fact.
Ah. It will be untimely and inconsiderate to regret, but suddenly, human as I am, I felt a tinge of it. Of that days I have almost given up, got too weary, got an everyday overtime until 10 evening, tried hard to sleep a wink to not worrying how I am going to balance my MS and studies, how could I have not realized, that I was happier at that state. The uncertainty, the pressure, the challenge, the program, the administrative matters, the technical reports, the problem, were all mine. And I can see something valuable rise out of it.
And why until now I am trying to give the most logical reason my heart could ever give why I chose to give up on this, I have a thousand reasons to leave, but I have only one reason to stay, and that made all sense. I would be happier.
I can’t turn back now, and things have changed since I left; but one lesson this experience taught me is how I value these people now, more than ever…and how, I know are the only the best co colleagues I can ever work with; because I was my whole self, apart from being able to give my whole dedication to my job…wait, it was never a job for me at all.
Yeah, for the last two years, I was jobless.
So, coming Sunday, and the ensuing days after my thesis, I will be committing myself to be an “angel” again. Jatropha Program Angel, that is.
During the first angel’s (Kath) farewell party. I flew out next.
God gives us valuable people along our journey, that no matter how fleeting will be, it was memorable, worth keeping, and looking back.
So make every moment count. Get a job that was not a job at all; you will see the difference, how it will make you a different person; a better one. That hours, days, months and years are no difference. Get the best job of your life. And you will never feel working at all. For the last two years, I am glad I did not feel like working; and I will find that feeling again at my new abode.