Cheese: pinoy-style

Nothing gets sicker than being trapped in the IRRI clinic, with abdominal cramps, migraine, forthcoming diarrhea AND a five minute preview of this so-called launching movie of these two trying hard so-called “loveteam” Aljur and Kris.

I only got to read about this movie when Baron Geisler was said to have intentionally punched the male lead in the face. Being walked through the 5 grueling minutes of this stupid movie, I knew why. If I were Baron, I would have planted a bomb at the crew for giving him such as this screwed up script. Oh. Wait, he needed money; okay, accepted.

So I was being slowly walked through….slowly and long enough for me to know the whole story. Even the dumbest fortune teller could predict what will happen to the ending.

..wait that was Kris Bernal walking in a T-shaped swimsuit. I thought it was a ruler. Did they really have to include that in the trailer? I’d rather she wear a ruffled polka dot bikini. She looked so young to wear that. Puhleaase. Leave that parcel of clothing to the “accidental porn star” Katrina Halili. Or Cristine Reyes.

The pain is searing again; this time, I think it reached my brain, I can’t pull it off, that they really have to shoot it in Bohol. Oh, please, have decency. Oh yeah, they need a perfect scenery to neutralize the movie. DOT could have produced a 2 minute ad for Bohol and I’d appreciate it more.

And yes, I know everybody in the 7,107 of the Philippine Island knows there’s a freaking tarsier in Bohol!! By this time, the theme song is almost done; it gets an IQ of 0.1 to guess the title. But wait, I was wrong. There’s a second title in ellipsis “…nagmamahal sa iyo”.

What the heck.

It couldn’t get any yuckier than this.

One word: PATHETIC.

But what blowed up my brain was that scene when the male lead drew a big heart in the air (as big as his deflated ego after doing this movie) in his most cringing, writhing, heart-aching expression he could pull off. Crossed his arms across his chest, and then flung his arms, with his two fingers in the air.In Abi’s term “iginuhit ang puso sa hangin.

With the Philippine flag in background. I cringed in my seat. I was mortified. For the Philippine flag.

Give it a decency, people. I don’t know what does the Philippine flag have to do with that most idiotic non verbal cue I have ever seen? It’s okay to make it CHEEESY as in with molds and everything, but to include the Phil. Flag??

GEEEZZ. I feel sorry for the actors. I feel sorry for the love team because this is all they get after the effort. I thought nothing would be cheesier than Kim Chiu shouting in tears “Bakit ang bike, may preno, ang celfone na lo-lowbatt, bakit ang puso, hindi napipigilan?” (Thank you, Sha for correcting me, geez you’re really a GENIUS).  Or something like that, I did not bother to jot that down unless it’s for a freak show.

So, here’s the Philippines take for the so called romantic movies Darn, they don’t make you swoon at all,  it’s meant to kill you.

*will post of the trailer later.


3 thoughts on “Cheese: pinoy-style

  1. bwahahahahaha!!!!! gawa ka nga ng separate folder para sa mga rants mo about pinoy movies! :))))))

    yes, I feel the same way. God bless our Philippine flag and our cheesiness as writers.. I do believe that we have intelligent storywriters, but it just doesn’t cater to the masses. kaya mas pinipili yang mga kakornihan na yan, complete with the heart-drawing-in-the-air-while-the-national-flag-limply-sways-in-the-background element, with aljur looking every bit as if he drank a full glass of freshly squeezed bumbay’s armpit sweat and a shot of vinegar to wash it down. probinsyano-style cliche talaga. oh the agony of this fact is just overbearing.

    in that scene, it even looks as if the philippine flag looks like it wants to burst into flames as it swayed in cue to aljur’s pained heart-drawing. *facepalm*

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